Throughout this blog I have shared some of the most embarrassing
moments of my life. The point being that a) they happen so frequently they are
shared without my consent anyway and b) I can hope to afford someone a laugh
and a sense of kindred. This time however I did nothing to embarrass myself.
There was no vomiting of any kind, my ass remained unmarked from nettles and
his balls stayed intact and I’m sure perfectly able to have children.
My online dating profile seemed to work for a whole 2
seconds when I met Craig. We spoke for a while and then texted for a while. He
was an architect. I don’t know where it comes from that that is hot but it
seemed to strike a chord with me. Yes he spoke French and whilst I’m sure that
most girls would be swooning at this, it sickened me that it stemmed from the
fact that he used to live in France. Why would you choose to live in France...
its full of French people!!
Every conversation that we had flowed with ease and I was
actually looking forward to a date for once. As long as I in no way acted like
myself it was sure to go well. I met Craig and the date was very easy, we
chatted, we laughed and he proved to be in every way possible a great guy, just
what a woman could want....... and I was in no way attracted to him.
He was a FRENCH SPEAKING ARCHITECT AND I WASN'T ATTRACTED TO
HIM!!
I’m a disgusting person and the sad part is I’m pretty sure I
am not the only one. The term ‘nice guys finish last’ is absolutely 100% true. Let’s
have a look shall we......
I met one of my high school boyfriends in the nurse’s
office. I had made a clumsy tit of myself falling over, he ran in to avoid
being seen by the maths teacher that was currently hunting him down.
I once got stuck up a lamp post from being challenged to get
to the top, drunkenly realising at the top it was a very long way down whilst
he rode off on his motorbike laughing.... he came back ten minutes later but
that laughter, leaving me up there and of course the whole motorbike thing well
that was enough for me to consider having his babies.
Mr Darcy is more attractive in the first 236 pages of the book,
before volume three hits when he gets all nice and changes himself for the
woman he loves. NO, JUST NO DARCY. Remain your broody, dark insulting self and
never ever change.
I’m a sick twisted person. I could happily sit here and tell
you that what I really want in life is to be happy blah blah blah and it’s true
it really is, however the side of my brain that is telling me this is getting
beaten with a baseball bat by the other side of my brain.
So this rather short addition is not in any way to heal with
laughter. There is nothing I can currently do on that front as my complete lack
of social life has rendered me unable to participate. It does however give out
an important message, nice guys be a bit of a bastard. It’s the only way you
are going to get anywhere. And girls; we all know that the bad guys don’t want
to commit but if you find one that does.......... give him to me or I will cut
you!
