"It's 'Character building' Kayleigh"

Before the hidden-penis-man-flu took hold we had the 'describing Optimus as comfortable' event which I alluded to last time. Some people might call this event catastrophic or even cruel, my parents would describe it as 'Character building'. Through the years my parents have used this phrase to cover all sorts of misdemeanour's. This phrase covers their preferred language of sarcasm mixed with witty banter. They also recently used it to cover their insistent need to make me vomit as a child, by feeding me jacket potatoes. I hate jacket potatoes, it's like the hell of boiled potatoes encased in dried mud. However my parents constantly tried to feed them to me. It's like when parents try to feed their children sprouts. There are hundreds of other vegetables out there so why do parents think it's clever to feed them the one thing all children hate. I assume it's some sort of wicked vengeance  After many sleepless nights it must be quite satisfying to hear that special kind of gulp a person does when trying to swallow something foul, whilst keeping down the urge to vomit. However as far as I'm concerned feeding me jacket potatoes was child abuse. If I had been allergic they would have been imprisoned after my mouth closed over causing inevitable death, (something that would have been preferable to eating a jacket potato). However forcing me to eat the vomit inducing food without the side effect of death results in 'Character building'. If this was true then I would be running the world by now and Nicole Scherzinger would be pelted with dictionaries. She needs to learn it's not acceptable to put 'Sh' as the beginning of every word to mark ownership like a dog pissing on a tree.
I was subjected to my own 'Character building' just 20 minutes after walking in the door at Easter.
"When you get a boyfriend or girlfriend" my mother asked, completely stone faced and unblinking. 'OR girlfriend' mother, 'OR girlfriend'? What do you think I'm just waiting for the perfect pre-op so I don't have to choose? Or is this just your subtle way of asking if I'm a lesbian? When I commented on this sentence it was followed by Optimus; "Well you can't afford to be picky". Yet again Optimus proves once and for all she is a clone of my mother.
Get the dictionaries ready my character is building quickly.