The single girls DVD habits are unlike any other time of her
life. There are films sat in my collection which were brought and only watched
when in a relationship. There are just some things that aren't made for a
single girl living on her own. It’s just too depressing.
You never want to watch anything too epic. Whilst District 9
is one of my favourite movies it’s very rarely watched. It’s too epic. Any epic
movie makes your life seem that much more pathetic and pointless. There’s some
poor bastard trying to save the world whilst overcoming a set of emotional and
physical obstacles, whilst I'm overcoming emotional and physical obstacles to
reach the last chocolate bar at the back of the cupboard.
Single girls in general are associated with movies such as
Bridget Jones and the Wedding Planner. This only goes to show what sadist we
really are. It’s abuse really. Shiny circles of hell. Whilst we can all watch
movie after movie trying to relate to these characters and being sucked into
the unrealistic dream that eventually some man will come and love us, it’s all
lies. Of course Jennifer Lopez ends up happy; she’s got a stomach that
resembles my wall. Even Bridget Jones had big tits to see her through. The
Vicar of Dibley always makes me happy. It fulfils the comedy quota whilst not
throwing so much love in my face as to make me want to choke on my own fist. It
also ends with Richard Armitage which just makes me so happy. How Geraldine
feels about this whole dragon thing I don’t know.
Whilst Chick Flicks are the basis of any single girls DVD
collection there are three movies that remain on my DVD player for continuous
watching. Hot Fuzz, Die Hard and Bad boys 2; minimal romance and lots of
violence. That’s the real way to get through single life. Keep watching men
shoot each other with guns that never seem to run out of ammo, and the bad guys
are always a terrible shot. Maybe if they had better recruitment programmes
they would get away with it more often. Even the minimal romance is a comfort.
Whilst Bruce Willis does fight to get his wife back, which incidentally she
doesn’t deserve, we all know it’s doomed. Yes, well done you made a career but
somehow you couldn’t find a job close to your family? You moved your children
away from their father knowing that his job would prevent him from following.
Doomed marriage. Of course in the second film he does move but it was never
going to work. You can’t keep a man like John McClane on a leash, he’s all man
and if he did settle his life I would not be able to continue my viewing
pleasure!
There is one type of movie that you should never watch if
you are single; Horror Films. There is a giant problem with living on your
own...........everything movies! I was happily bored with the first hour of
Paranormal activity and then of course I went home. My flat has never made so
many noises. Then of course there was the clown incident. I don’t like clowns.
IT still haunts me. Then in the middle of the night there was a noise in my
wardrobe. I looked across the room checking that the door was still closed,
expecting a hand to slide into view. Nothing. I closed my eyes. Something moved
in the wardrobe. Breathe Kayleigh Breathe. ‘It’s probably just a shirt
falling’. I closed my eyes. Something large moved in the wardrobe. There was no
denying it, there was someone hiding in my wardrobe. I stared at the door
imagining them flinging open to reveal the evil clown that had come to kill me.
I had to make a decision. Do I just lay here and die or do I fight........and
die? I leapt out of bed and switched on my light. I grabbed my hammer, threw
open the wardrobe doors to see............ my stuck on hooks had peeled off
under the weight of my dressing gown sliding down the door. It was only once my
heart rate had returned to normal that I realised I really could have taken on
the evil clown. I’m sure a screaming naked girl with a hammer would have at
least startled him.
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