'You should get a cat'

'You might as well get a whole bunch'! This is what it has come to. My friends recommending the ultimate spinster accessory. What happened to the times when the cat was a symbol of power and sensuality? What about the times when Cleopatra sat lazily stroking her cat with men bowed at her feet? Now it's that crazy cat lady down the road who spends time lazily stroking her cat with men throwing beer cans on her roof.
This is the new perception of a single woman owning a cat. Of course we all think ourselves aware of how the woman feels and what's going on in her lonely head, as she starts talking to her own shadow. However it's the poor cat that I think about. Is a depressed single woman owning a cat actually animal cruelty?
When that little darling arrives at your home everyone is happy, including the cat.
'Wow look a new house. I wanna touch this. Can I scratch this? I'm going to scratch this. Purrrr cuddles'.
All very well, however eventually the cat must become aware of the lack of other humans around and the continuing dependence on the cats attention.
'I'm bored. There aren't many other humans here. Wow this lady's affectionate. Meh it feels good right now.'
Like all relationships there are ups and downs.
'How dare she. How fucking dare she. They were my balls and I should get to decide what happens to them. I'm not talking to her ever again. No I don't care if you stroke my chin you took my balls. I may be purring right now but honestly I'm really pissed at you right now'. 
The real confusion and abuse starts as the surrounding friends start having babies. As she sits there looking through baby pictures all she can do is look lovingly into her cats eyes.
'Where do I come from? I AM a cat right? Yep I am a cat, got a tail and everything. So why does she keep calling me her baby. I'm all grown up now, she thought me grown up enough to take my balls. I'm still bitter about that.' 
Life goes on and in an attempt to not die alone she tried dating.
'She's crying again. She keeps crying. I want to run away but if I sit on her lap she strokes my belly just right. She's depending on me to sit on her lap and I want to. This is so confusing. Is it right to take advantage of her emotional state. Sod it I'm going in'.
Soon she starts to accept that there is only one thing she can depend on and it comes with fur and a tail.
'Ooooh yeah this is the life. She buys me everything. We don't need anyone else in our lives, we're happy just us. Wait that can't be right can it'
'The cat from the family down the road keeps laughing at me. He would laugh so much if he could see that plasticine the kids have stuck to his arse. I like my human. She looks after me. She loves me. I love her. I do I love her she strokes my belly'
'It's starting to get confusing now. She's not going out any more and, and I do't want her to. She called me her fluffy husband today. I panicked but she stroked my belly and brought me a new scratching post so I didn't care too much.'
'I'm her husband. I'm her fluffy husband. And that's ok'
'I don't think I'm a cat any more. How can I be a cat when a human spends this much time with me. How can I be a cat when I spend all my time with the human. I don't go out any more she doesn't like it when I do.'
'I'm so confused. I cant take this any more.'
'Look a car'