'You can achieve anything with a friend by your side'

I've long since concluded that associate lecturers are the most un-respected and under paid species on the planet. I say species as it is clear that we are considered as different. We will never have the pay of a lecturer or the respect but we will deal with the same shit work and do all the shit they can't be bothered to do. However we are still treated as second class citizens, who must be kept in the building at the risk that if we escaped we would start licking trees and humping buildings like a horny neanderthal out of its time.
I do love my job most days, if nothing else it's amusing. Amusing because if you don't laugh you would cry at the state of our young adults. Even those things we consider young people to be all knowing about, they seem to just fall short of genuine intelligence. For example today I was asked
'Who's Bill Gates'
This was made even more painful but the fact she had a microsoft laptop in front of her. I put on my practised smile and advised
'Why don't you google it? And here's a clue, computers may just play a role in the answer'.
One of my students almost died of embarrassment just a couple of weeks ago. The student had decided that I was the lecturer he was going go come out to. He was pleased with my positive response and I explained that with The Gay it would be very twisted of me to be otherwise. Upon hearing this he asked,
'Is he hot?'
The redness spread across his face as he realised he had just asked his LECTURER whether her BROTHER was hot. Bless. However it can sometimes cross the line into murderous tendencies.
'What's Jane Austen?'
What? WHAT'S Jane Austen? I am not an English lecturer, I just calmly explain and let it go, until...
'Is it dirty? Why would I bother reading something 100 years old when I can read 50 shades?'.
Sod it, no one would question my sanity if I bludgeoned her head in with a copy of Pride and Prejudice, screaming 'SAY HER NAME'.
Despite the aggressive melt downs I have a good job but I have the opportunity to make it better by applying for a full lecturing position. This led me to appreciate my friends more than ever. After having a major freak out and desperately doubting my chances, my friends gave me advice and help and have me feeling a bit more positive. So I have to say a big thank you to my friends, after all they have done a lot for me.
They pushed me home in a trolley after I drank my body weight in tequila and cocktails. They let themselves down a bit when I was dropped down the stairs.
They gave me dating advice;
'Just be yourself. Well not completely yourself. YOU might want to leave some of THAT at home'
This was great advice however it also meant that my date went well. This meant I ended my night having my face sucked at like a fish out of water, by a guy who will be forever be known as 'Nemo'.
They listened to my theories on biscuits and debated the characteristics of jammy dodgers. However this did lead to me almost chocking to death as I tried to eat one when my brain was remembering the conversation.
So basically all the good things my friends have done have resulted in my almost dying of brain damage and suffocation. All except one....
The time we got placenta fingers. Yes we got placenta fingers together. Then placenta face as we scrubbed the placenta off the astroturf. All that in a completely non biscuit way.
Thanks friends!