A quick thought on sex with inanimate objects

I'm seriously concerned for my health. This is because of one man; Hugh Jackman. I watched him take his shirt off, muscles rippling, dark eyes and a stare that says "You'd have the night of your life", and........ nothing. I felt nothing. My stomach remained like a flowerless meadow and my knickers as dry as grass in summer. I have come to accept that men have made a global agreement not to find me attractive, but me not finding them  attractive is just mean.
When animals sense a change in their environment they adapt. Adaptations to a lack of attraction to humans include: bestiality and sex with inanimate objects. I'm not sure I could stand the look on the animals face, and I know too many stories like the guy who was found dead at the bottom of a land slide still inside a chicken. So sex with inanimate objects it is then.
'Oh chest of drawers, I love how you open and close. I want to put all my clothes in you. Oh slam that drawer hard. Harder. Harder....... shit it broke' ... I'm starting to see a flaw in this plan!
I recently watched an episode of 'Snog, marry, avoid' where a girl stated her perfect man was Buzz Lightyear. The response of 'isn't he just 12 inches of plastic toy' just made me think "lucky girl, usually you only get nine". Which brings me to the best possible solution to my problem. It actually fulfils both adaptations and has the proven ability to be superior to men in every way. The Rabbit. To be clear I mean the vibrator rabbit not the cute until you realise it eats its own shit rabbit. It's an inanimate object that just keeps on giving and comes in a pretty range of colours. It makes sense that if you're going to form a sexual relationship with an object then pick he one that's designed for just that.
It actually makes me feel sympathetic the wank sock. Women have been long attended to in our sexual needs and its relatively easy to do. You can form various shapes and devices to fit in it. However a man's penis really needs something to fit into. It's just impractical. Especially as the clean up is so messy. The sophistication of male self pleasure has never gone beyond that of the kleenex tissue. This proves two things 1) men need women more than we need men 2) when the machines rise up I know which side I'm on.
So sex with inanimate objects it is then.
I better stock up on batteries.