'At least you've still got your friends'

This is a very true point which is why this weeks .... (Let's call it a rant!) is dedicated to my friend Steph.
Now those of you out there who feel like you loose your friends when you get in a relationship, it is not because we are jealous of your relationship. It's because you are one of those people who has everything fall into your lap and even though you may be our oldest friend we FUDGING HATE YOU!!!
It's incredible the amount of shit some people have to deal with in their lives and yet others just seem to fly through life getting everything they want. This is mine and Stephs question of the day: What makes you so fudging special?
I would like to point out that no matter how much I may be a cynical singleton, this is NOT just about the whole relationship thing. It's everything. It's amazing how much shit me and Steph can put up with in an average day whilst watching our friends and work colleagues (rarely does any one ever fulfil both these titles!) skip happily along missing the dog shit I may have vindictively smeared in front of their feet.
There has to be a reason why others are skipping along happily whilst the shit seems to have smeared across my face making me live in constant fear of ever opening my mouth. Perhaps it's Karma.
Now if Karma is real then between me and Steph we must have done some nasty shit. Steph has decided that she must have been Genghis Khan. Me? I think I may have been Marie Antoinette. As life has slowly removed all the good things in life. It's got to the point where a Findus lasagne seems like luxury! I mean seriously you're getting two meats for the price of one! Then there's the fact that this morning I broke the zip on my trousers proving that I should not be allowed to eat cake. The problem is if this is Karma for my former life of laughing at the poor and general acceptance of the bourgeois capitalist society ( at least everyone knew their place), then it's doing nothing to help me move on from this state. As life slowly tries to 'teach me a lesson' I get more and more pissed off to the point that I decide 'Fudge it' and start to bite back with aggression aimed at others happiness and my keen ability to destroy the lives of others. It's really a vicious circle. Eventually me and Steph will move slowly down the evolutionary ladder until we become crabs. Not the 'sing to mermaids' crabs the 'I'm surrounded by pussies and arseholes' kind. Although right now I feel this would mean we had moved across the ladder not down it! The good thing is there's not much wrong doing you can do as a crab so maybe we'll move up to the level of cockroach; indestructible and able to scare others. With that kind of power I give us two seconds before we're down graded to crabs again!
So yes whilst I may be single, listen to unappreciative students all day and watch the further saddening face of my bank account I do have friends, and at least that means I have someone to be a crab with.