'Love is just around the corner'

Actually just around the corner is my place of work! I  live so close to work I may as well live there and save myself a bundle on rent and heating. I very much doubt I am ever going to find love there, unless I decide to take the bestiality route and start having sex with rabbits, snakes and alpacas. I'm pretty sure that even if I fell in love with one of the staff it would be termed bestiality!
Around the other corner is the doctors surgery, I don't hold out much hope here either. I don't go that often even if I need to go I avoid it until I have finally concluded that no amount of alcohol is going to fix the problem. The whole place creeps me out. It's the place people go to to find out that they need to go to the place you go to die. It's the people who sit in the waiting room showing no signs of illness that worry me most. If they are 300 years old, on crutches or sneezing you know what you're getting yourself in for. Chat up the asymptomatic and I guarantee you'll be back in that waiting room trying to convince yourself that your vagina is supposed to resemble a Kiwi in both texture and colour. I did find myself recently in that waiting room after suffering a student and goat related back problem. I refer you to the first paragraph to prevent any dirty imagery. After a quick game of 'Does that hurt' (yes it fudging hurts, that's why I'm fudging here), I got prescribed some pain killers and muscle relaxants. This second prescription terrified me no end. I suddenly imagined myself being propelled off my bed through uncontrollable flatulent's, while drool trailed the way from my stroke resembled face before eventually being guided onto a bus that needs its windows cleaned 3 times a day.
Luckily this was not the case but I happily spent the next several days high as a kite and one particular evening talking to my rubber duck after washing the pills back with wine. Professor Duckington did point out that it clearly says 'DO NOT CONSUME WITH ALCOHOL' on the pack but his lack of moveable appendage prevented him from intervening any further.
So my choices remain to be work, where I would be arrested no matter where I looked for a partner or the place that will eventually be telling me to say my goodbyes and stock up on adult nappies. So maybe I should try other corners. If I start walking around in circles am I more likely to meet someone? Maybe I could carry around a mirror on a stick to jump around the corner at just the right time. I'll be meeting a man in no time, he'll be fitting me into a new 'special' jacket before you know it.
So love is just around the coner? Funny, I didn't realise I have always been walking in a straight line!